Perfectly perfect

I watched a music video of Perfectly perect by Simple plan today. It's beautiful. Not just the lyrics. There are couples telling their stories in between. And there was a guy who said "It just got better and better". It got me thinking how I've never had that. It was usually very good in the beginning and later on it just watered down. So from now on...I look for the getting better and better part. And I'm looking forward to meeting you, husband. ;)

Have a nice weekend, I'll be thinking of you.
Love, Tasha

Sometimes I think you reacted that way because you liked me too. But than again I don't think that is possible. And than in a moment I hate you, but still I miss you. I just wish we would talk it out. Even if we fought. I just wanna know what you think of me. Why can't I just let it go? Why do you matter so much?
Hope you're well..

I'm weird. Sooo weird.

And there I am. I watched him be dead drunk and said to myself "Ok, that's the limit. I'm over him." And now, three days later? Checking my phone every half hour if by any mistake I overheard a messeage beep. I'm crazy! How can I still want him after seeing with my own eyes that he's just not for me? He's a child in a way. He drinks waaay too much and when he does he changes into a complete douchebag. A week ago we were partying and we were fooling around with his friends and suddenly he started swearing and he even gave me the finger. And I was all like wut? Cuz that's not at all what he's like otherwise. But in a way I still want him. And now I'm like "wuut" because of me. I like being weird but dear God, I don't wanna be crazy, so please, help, would ya?

Party is like a cellery. Good for your nerves. That's why you shouldn't miss it. Or maybe it would be best if I did miss it?

It's so weird how much confidence can a person get just by consuming some alcohol. I guess that's why he does it? I don't know. And I have no idea why he still likes to send a messeage even though this just doesn't work. Well I know it doesn't and I still want to talk to him. But I think just our wish won't do much. I think that is where it ends. I feel nothing and his short messeage was a strong one. A messeage with no emotions whatsoever.
I don't know if he finally figured out that this is not going ok, or maybe he's mad at me because I talked more to all of his friends than him or maybe he thinks that I am kinda like Ana whom I before critised. I can't get that look out of my head. I was alone with his friend in a bathroom and he came and set his eyes on a friend. He didn't even look at me. As if he couldn't. I don't know. I hope that all there is is part of God's plan. Cuz if I screwed up with God's plan by screwing this friendship..well than I just don't know what I'm gonna do.
God lead me. Take away what I want and replace it with Your will only. That's freedom, right? If I take my freedom and give it to You? I don't know how to do this, so please..do it for me or at least help me through this. Somehow.

Brain. I never thought I had one but right now they don't seem to know what quiet means.

when thoughts just don't shut up. know that feeling? I do. and she does too. and it's worth reading. http://www.louisemwatson.com/the-real-reason-you-cant-stop-thinking-about-him-and-what-to-do-about-it/#comment-7276

greš spet na fešto? :D (taš utihn. like res. bod tih. usaj enkrt.)

well how i wish i could just stay quiet sometimes. or always. wouldn't hurt well.

i like him. his bright side at least. but if there's only one side that i like, than it can't be right, right? he deserves someone who will love both of his sides. i mean.. i could deal with dark. hell..i'm dark of the dark. but he's differently dark. but there again he's not dark. he just doesn't know how to have fun without alcohol. and that's more or less because he has that kind of friends. and where am i different than him? i dont have friends. like none. i'm alone. and if it takes alcohol to have friends..well i'll probably be the same. somehow i just don't know how to tell him that i understand. i keep judging him as if that's who he is. i don't know..i would just like to watch his bright eyes full of light. i hope i didn't screw everything up. cuz he could be a good friend. the one you actually miss when he's away.

Lord, just watch over him, okay? and help me become a better person.
amen.