I'm weird. Sooo weird.

And there I am. I watched him be dead drunk and said to myself "Ok, that's the limit. I'm over him." And now, three days later? Checking my phone every half hour if by any mistake I overheard a messeage beep. I'm crazy! How can I still want him after seeing with my own eyes that he's just not for me? He's a child in a way. He drinks waaay too much and when he does he changes into a complete douchebag. A week ago we were partying and we were fooling around with his friends and suddenly he started swearing and he even gave me the finger. And I was all like wut? Cuz that's not at all what he's like otherwise. But in a way I still want him. And now I'm like "wuut" because of me. I like being weird but dear God, I don't wanna be crazy, so please, help, would ya?

Party is like a cellery. Good for your nerves. That's why you shouldn't miss it. Or maybe it would be best if I did miss it?

It's so weird how much confidence can a person get just by consuming some alcohol. I guess that's why he does it? I don't know. And I have no idea why he still likes to send a messeage even though this just doesn't work. Well I know it doesn't and I still want to talk to him. But I think just our wish won't do much. I think that is where it ends. I feel nothing and his short messeage was a strong one. A messeage with no emotions whatsoever.
I don't know if he finally figured out that this is not going ok, or maybe he's mad at me because I talked more to all of his friends than him or maybe he thinks that I am kinda like Ana whom I before critised. I can't get that look out of my head. I was alone with his friend in a bathroom and he came and set his eyes on a friend. He didn't even look at me. As if he couldn't. I don't know. I hope that all there is is part of God's plan. Cuz if I screwed up with God's plan by screwing this friendship..well than I just don't know what I'm gonna do.
God lead me. Take away what I want and replace it with Your will only. That's freedom, right? If I take my freedom and give it to You? I don't know how to do this, so please..do it for me or at least help me through this. Somehow.

Brain. I never thought I had one but right now they don't seem to know what quiet means.

when thoughts just don't shut up. know that feeling? I do. and she does too. and it's worth reading. http://www.louisemwatson.com/the-real-reason-you-cant-stop-thinking-about-him-and-what-to-do-about-it/#comment-7276